4 posts tagged “camp”

I got up this morning, and the world didn't feel right.

I think it's the realization that this isn't a safe place anymore. The world suddenly got a lot smaller, and a lot more clear. It's not as great as one would think it would be.

That's scary.

Today, though, I think that the most scary thing that has ever happened to me, happened. I don't know if I understand what happened, entirely. I know what happened. I just don't understand what happened. It's strange, because I was so worried about L, because he swims so well, but can't tread water. I was watching him so closely. If I had been at any other part of the lake, it wouldn't have been ok.

I was standing on a floating pier in the middle of the lake that we had our field trip at, just to do a head/face check of my kids. To make sure they were with their buddies. S,L, and M were on a paddleboat, they were fine. A, and C were playing on the giant planet thing in the middle of the lake. J and E were making some kind of sand castle/moat thing.

I was so worried about about L drowning, that I just wanted to make sure, and only he and S were on the paddleboat still. M was in the water, I saw him bob under once. Not a big deal, we were swimming. I thought he was swimming. I kept watching to make sure, and he came up again, but this time he was screaming. The kind of scream where you know that it's not going to get better, and he was just thrashing at the water.

In my head it seems like this happened for a long time. I yelled "M?!?!" His eyes were so big, and he was screaming still, and he just went under. He was screaming so loud, I heard him from across the lake.

I looked at the life guard, who was just staring at him from her fucking chair. I was already diving, but I remember feeling sick. I wondered if we would all have to get out of the pool if I threw up. That seems weird now.

I love swimming, I'm good at it. I have a strong stroke. I've never swam fast, I've always been one of those people that just plugs along. My body hurt with how hard I was trying. My body feels like it's melting, my chest hurts. I think I pulled a muscle trying to pull him back into the air.

I don't know how I got there so fast, I was just thinking about how far I thought he was from me.

He was closer than I thought, I think. I crashed into him under the water.  I've never seen someone look so scared.

I am not a strong person. I have no upper body strength. Yet, I somehow managed to pull my 80 lbs camper out of a fucking lake without dying. He wasn't making it easy, either. He's okay, I'm okay. Then he puked up at least a quarter of a gallon of lake water, on me.

I'm not mad though.

Camp has started, and it's in full swing.

There is a ton of stuff going on, and my brain can hardly process it all. To begin, I found somewhere to live for the summer, in another town. Her name is Rachel, and she's a lesbian police officer. She's super nice, but I can tell already we're going to have a few personality clashes. I'll probably just stay in my room for the most part. She's cool, but it's going to be weird. There's another woman living there named Ruth, she gets a bigger room, but she's not paying rent. I'm not sure why, but I only need to sleep there.

Annnnyway.

So yeah, camp. I ended up coming up with a camp name, which I can't believe I couldn't think of before. It was so easy. I had pretty much given up, because the things I like most (comic books, toys, and video games) don't necessarily make the best camp names. It took me thinking about the music I love, and there were a ton that I could think of. A lot I decided against. Then it honestly just took me wandering around the house singing to myself to think of it. I'm a spaz, for sure.

"Everybody's got a little light under the sun"

At that point, I was just like "duhhhhhh." If any song in the world had defined who I was as a person, I think that "Flashlight" does, strangely enough. It's weird in a sense that when I talk to people, they associate me with one kind of music, and I've never just listened to any kind of music. Yet, if I had to listen to any one kind of music forever, I suppose Funk and Soul wouldn't be bad.

Flashlight defines me as a person, I think. I wanna be that light in the dark, batteries ready. I also  haven't found a time in my life where I didn't want to dance, want to express myself like a fool. I never minded when people laughed at me, I laugh at myself a lot.

Anyway, camp has been going well, I'm back with my kids again, and I'm so happy. There have been a few problems with the same old kids, but I'm willing to forget them just because I love them, and want a great summer. I've got my best buddy Ryan back, and he's still the same. I wish that other people would recognize that just because he has Asperger's, it doesn't mean that he's not capable of being a normal person. If it takes you just sitting with him, and listening to him talk about God knows what for hours, that's what it takes. You don't have to listen to him intently, you just have to listen.

My heart gets bigger and bigger everyday, and I don't know if it can handle all of this love.

I am there for those kids, today, tomorrow, yesterday, forever. I am who I want to be, and I'm only going to get better, because they only get better. They may hate singing camp songs, and playing group games, but I know they still love being together, and having people to be there for them.

The one kid who fights me the most is still the kid who came to me when he was hurt, and he only needed a hug, and someone to put a band aid on it.

The world is alright right now, I'm not making guarantees, but so far so good.

I have super cold feet, it's unbearable. The heat is on, but apparently the heat hamster has died on the wheel.

I finished my donation piece, it turned out alright. I forgot to scan it though, unfortunately. I liked it a lot, in some ways, it had a pirate ship on it, but I'm not that great at the art thing. I'm on of those people that sucks at everything except for ONE thing. Which isn't painting. I don't have access to a photo lab anymore so that idea was out.

I forgot the family table in my car. I wonder if fiance will get it out for me. I will talk to him when he gets done with work. I'm thinking about going to a child care conference they have some awesome things going on, and I would love nothing more. I'm also thinking about going to Discovery Day Camp this summer. They said the wait list is pretty long, but I'm not worried about it. Growing up I lived in a really urban area, and we could have never afforded for me to go to camp. So, it'll be fun if I go.

If not, I'll be at Camp Wannago which will be just as fun, but I figured since I'm a fatty5000 it wouldn't hurt me to spend a few weeks hiking and tying knots and shit. Either way I'm set.

Jesus, it's fucking cold in here.